We live in a strange place, this Earth. I’m a believer in the school of thought on intelligent design or perhaps simply serendipity on a rather large or cosmic scale. Who would have thought that because of the Earth's distance from the sun, life as we know it can exist, survive, and flourish? The variety of life found on this Earth is mind bogglingly large. Yet even more granular, the distinct number of human customs and cultures is also phenomenal. One custom that seems to be shared across almost all of these cultures is the idea and practice of marriage. Woman with man, and more recently Man with Man or Woman with Woman. Either way you slice it, it’s a union between two people for either love, money, power, children, legal reasons or many combinations of all of these. Since my divorce, I’ve begun to view marriage in a different light. I always told myself I would only marry once, and that I did. I just thought it was supposed to work out differently and it would be the happy ever after love story that would continue through my entire life instead of only 726 days. I can say with certainty it has been not just the biggest joy but also the biggest disappointment of my life. My idealism is shattered, and there is no remedy to a choice I did not make. It is quite hard to write about it really. It often crosses my mind that if I found a woman worth marrying again, would I? My initial reaction is to simply say, no. I won’t marry again. The running joke I have with myself is that if Elaine and I didn’t get married things might have been different and we may still be together. On the other hand, if I truly loved this new woman, why would I want to deny her the experience if that was what she really wanted? I try not to imagine myself getting married again and I try even harder to not imagine what Elaine’s second wedding would be like but nothing helps. These painful feelings resurface every time I am invited to a wedding and my trip to Houston for Irfan’s was no different.
The saving grace of Irfan’s wedding is that it is a Pakistani styled wedding. While I have attended a Pakistani wedding in the past for my cousin, I never seem to follow what’s going on too well and each time it’s like the first time. Having seen a million weddings on TV, in movies, in person and from first hand personal experience, the whole “structure” and flow of a western wedding has been engraved into my mind and this eastern style wedding has me in a loop. Not understanding the process or the language proves to be a double whammy and I try my best to follow along from the back row. Apparently, the groom signs a piece of paper that states how much money he has to give his wife or her family if he leaves her while she waits in another room. Once the papers are signed these papers are then sent to the bride in another room. She is asked three times if she is willing to accept his offer. After the third and final acceptance, the Holy man returns and makes a brief speech of prayer (which I believe is in Urdu) and the couple is officially married.
Now here’s what’s a bit strange. The bride never really makes an appearance until sometime during dinner. No grand entrance with no fan faire, no father bride walk, no veil and no “sealed with a kiss”. There is such a strong emphasis on the Bride in a western wedding that this complete polar opposite seems a bit shocking at first. It’s as if she’s missed the party all together. When she did finally show up while I was eating, she was dressed in a gorgeous dress and decorated with wedding gold. It was my first time to ever see her and I must say that she is very beautiful. I’m sure she and Irfan will be very happy together. I am wishing you both the elements I thought I had in my marriage before it was suddenly severed: continued happiness, dedication, understanding, compassion, and of course -- love.
The saving grace of Irfan’s wedding is that it is a Pakistani styled wedding. While I have attended a Pakistani wedding in the past for my cousin, I never seem to follow what’s going on too well and each time it’s like the first time. Having seen a million weddings on TV, in movies, in person and from first hand personal experience, the whole “structure” and flow of a western wedding has been engraved into my mind and this eastern style wedding has me in a loop. Not understanding the process or the language proves to be a double whammy and I try my best to follow along from the back row. Apparently, the groom signs a piece of paper that states how much money he has to give his wife or her family if he leaves her while she waits in another room. Once the papers are signed these papers are then sent to the bride in another room. She is asked three times if she is willing to accept his offer. After the third and final acceptance, the Holy man returns and makes a brief speech of prayer (which I believe is in Urdu) and the couple is officially married.
Now here’s what’s a bit strange. The bride never really makes an appearance until sometime during dinner. No grand entrance with no fan faire, no father bride walk, no veil and no “sealed with a kiss”. There is such a strong emphasis on the Bride in a western wedding that this complete polar opposite seems a bit shocking at first. It’s as if she’s missed the party all together. When she did finally show up while I was eating, she was dressed in a gorgeous dress and decorated with wedding gold. It was my first time to ever see her and I must say that she is very beautiful. I’m sure she and Irfan will be very happy together. I am wishing you both the elements I thought I had in my marriage before it was suddenly severed: continued happiness, dedication, understanding, compassion, and of course -- love.
